Do you attract what you are? Let’s talk!


You are all probably familiar with the famous line “You attract what you are”. I remember the first time hearing this line when I was younger and not resonating with it. My thought process was “So I don’t love myself, does that mean I will attract people who will treat me badly?”. I couldn’t resonate with it because at the time I didn’t love myself. At the same time, did not feel like my lack of self love  justified being mistreated by others. I felt like this quote lead to victim blaming, rather than putting agency and accountability onto the person who has done the mistreating.

When I started my self-discovering journey, I began to see this same line crop up consistently. Funnily enough, I didn’t feel as disconnected with the words as I previously did. Over a period of months, I delved into my teenage years to figure out any patterns that had contributed to my peak depression after I graduated. I wanted to start forming healthy, fulfilling relationships with others but I first had to figure out where the break down began in this department of my life. During my self reflection process, I noticed a direct correlation between my lack of self-love and the types of relationships I accepted.

My lack of self-love and acceptance showed up in a multitude of ways.  I noticed certain people in my life would feel comfortable speaking to me the way I talked to myself. For example; I would say stuff like ‘I’m dumb’ and people around me would be comfortable using the same language towards me. My lack of self-love showed up in what I accepted from others. My need to please others lead to people taking advantage of me. On the flip side, the negative relationship I had with myself made me comfortable being bitchy, jealous towards my friends. I felt a lack of self-love and this showed up in the way people treated me and how I treated others.

Lisa Nichols- “Your job is to be the first example of how the world is supposed to love and treat you. It’s your job to give the world the best example possible. The people in your life will follow your example on how they get to treat you.”

Quote from Lisa Nichols book: Abundance Now

It became very clear during my self-love journey that treating myself badly made people feel comfortable in treating me the same way. When I started to affirm, love and redefine myself to become my best version, I was forced to change the conditions of my relationships. I was no longer was willing to accept being mistreated. I began to heal myself and be real about my own toxicity which naturally helped me stop projecting my toxicity onto others. As a result, I began to attract loving, healthy relationships into my life. This revelation has bought me so much peace and completely redefined my relationship with myself and the way I treat others.

I have definitely grown a greater understanding and appreciation for this old saying. However whilst I now agree with it I still don’t believe in victim shaming. I adamantly believe that we are entitled to love in its highest capacity even at times when we don’t quite love ourselves. I don’t believe that anyone is deserving of ill-treatment simply because they treat themselves badly. The way people treat us has much more to say about them than it does about us.

There are people suffer from debilitating mental health and/or self-esteem issues. It may take some people years to start truly loving or start accepting themselves. I don’t feel like this means that they should have people around them to meet them where they are at. When I had people treating me badly, I didn’t think I deserved it and I don’t think anyone does simply because they don’t love themselves. I don’t encourage a culture of blame. I think it’s important to be compassionate and treat others respectfully.

To end, it’s so important that you are good to people and take accountability for your mistreatment of others. Ask yourself more whether you’d want to be treated in the way you’re treating others. I want to create a conversation around this question, so I’d love to hear your thoughts or your experiences. I am still in the process of learning and my opinion on this topic is subject to change. This is my understanding thus far and I am still in the early stages of my self-love journey so I’d love to know your thoughts.

Question to you:

Do you think that you are what you attract?

Thank you for reading!


Much Love, Ash xx


Copyright © AshAlves 2019, All Rights Reserved

49 responses to “Do you attract what you are? Let’s talk!”

  1. You right people treat you according to the way you present yourself to them and going through self discovery journey just like you did is very important for anyone to do so…just go through my blog I have recently wrote something in relevancy with this topic. Hope your day was wonderful.

    1. You’re so right! Have to be good to people regardless. But going through the self love journey is so important because it helps you learn how to treat others too. Thank you I will be checking that post out☺️💜

      1. Sure baaaaby!🙌

      2. Ricardo Da Costa Avatar
        Ricardo Da Costa

        I don’t think I am what I attract – maybe it might be difficult to come to terms with it.

        But I agree with what you said. You need to be careful about the kind of relationships you have with people. There was one person who was rude ALL the time, but I kept the person around because my friend is your friend or because we are in the same lecture etc.

        Long story short. Learnt she was an issue. Don’t need that energy around me. Delete. We move!

      3. I get why you say that, to be honest I’m still not sure what my perspective is but I do think the energy you put out comes back to you in some way. Maybe not in the form of a person but an experience or the way you feel about yourself.
        Lmao I’m glad you deleted her out of your life. It’s funny you mentioned that because I had a similar experience where the person would only talk about themselves and even done it on my birthday. I didn’t think I deserved that & it was not a reflection of me. I guess it’s for us to set those boundaries & even if we are crappy about ourselves, make people aware not to cross the line. Thank you for sharing your thoughts 💖☺️

  2. I’m still unsure about this, to a point I do think we attract what we are but I also don’t believe that anyone should be treated badly because of it. Self awareness gets you to think about boundaries and what you will and won’t allow. I may not be 100% with myself but I will not toralrate anybody treating me badly 👏🏾

    1. Yesss I love that you made that point about boundaries. It’s so true, I guess to an extent we do for example; if we are bitchy we may attract people around us who are bitchy too. However it doesn’t mean that because we are bitchy we deserve to be treated badly as a result? I don’t know I’m trying to figure it out myself. Only thing I can say is if you work on yourself naturally you’ll attract good around you. Thank you for your thoughts☺️🌷

      1. Definitely!! 🧡🧡 another amazing thought provoking piece

      2. Thank you so much ☺️💖💖💖

    2. Right point you got there and remember when you meet a person for the first time that person that person is going to monitor how you respond then will treat you with the attitude you gave first so if you show unsureness about yourself unfortunately you are going to be taken for granted. Hope you had a nice day filled with ❤ and 🙌.

      1. 💯💯 you’ve just got to be aware of that and not take no rubbish 😂 thank you and you ❤️

      2. Very welll said!!! That’s so true. Through our own actions & feelings we teach people how to treat us to an extent. Have a lovely day both 💖🌷

      3. Thanks and continue to have a nice day babes.

  3. This is a great, great read.

    1. Thank you so much have a great week 🌷🌷

    1. Thank you for reading ☺️💖

  4. This was great. I use to go to a church in Atlanta when I lived there and one of the most notable sermons that the preacher is known for is when he did a 5 part series on “Are you the person that the person you are looking for is looking for?”. When I tell you after watching all 5 parts AND reading the book I was like “I have got to make some changes, because I am asking for things that I am not practicing myself”. Such an eye opener. Google Andy Stanley and the sermon and you can see what I mean. And FYI it is not overly religious, he is a pastor at a non-denominational church.

    1. Oooh that sounds so juicy & good! I need to watch that sermon. I’m not religious myself but I love listening to sermons & speeches like that. You can learn so much from them. Noting down that name and will be living that a listen later today. Thank you for reading & for the resource ☺️🌷

      1. Yes. It’s really good. And it’s not overly religious at all. I’ve recommended it to a few people who I know who are not religious and they loved it. Also one of the five talks speak directly to men. DO NOT skip that one. Listen to it because it made me look at men’s interactions very differently after I watched and read it.

      2. I definitely will be listening to the whole video! Thank you so much will let you know my thoughts on it ☺️🌷

    1. Thank you so much 💖

  5. Glad to see you’re growing Ash! I feel proud of you as if I know you lol

    Anywho, to answer your question, this line of thinking isn’t victim blaming; however, it is (as you’ve mentioned) a way to take ownership for your life and who you’ve attracted into it. I think reading/listening to some talks about the Law of Attraction or a simplified version of quantum physics may help you understand this concept. There’s a documentary called, “What the Bleep do We Know?” which I think explains this and other ideas about energy and attraction in layman’s terms.

    1. You’ve been with me since the beginning of my journey omg! I’ve learned so much but still have a long way to go. Honestly your blog content and support has helped me so much. Ooh yes I love new documentaries thank you for that. I haven’t looked much into the law of Attraction so I’ll probably understand this topic more once I learn more about it. So much to discover! Your means me so much, thank you 💜☺️

  6. What an amazing read. Love seeing you grow as a content creator! Keep going strong 💪

    1. Aww thank you so much!! That means a lot to me. I hope you have a lovely day 💖🌷

      1. You’re welcome, keep it up ☝

  7. Good post! What you attract is what you get out of life. People that hate themselves, are usually the one that either allow people to treat them like shit or they do harm towards others.
    But also I believe opposites attract as well. Sometimes it takes somebody us to help you gain your confidence and to help you see your strengths as well so I believe a negative person can attract a positive person as well but that problem is sometimes the negative person will finally become confident enough to accept themselves and end up back stabbing the person that helped them out .

    1. *CLAPS at this whole paragraph* – I couldn’t have said it better. It’s so true about the opposites attracting too. I’ve started to notice how people who are in my life are mirroring something I need to change about myself for my own growth or that I need to learn to become better. That’s so true, you can help people but they can end up absconding. That’s why I have to check myself and make sure I’m helping people not for reciprocity but out of the goodness of my heart. Thanks for reading ☺️🌷

  8. So True. I Agree.

    1. Thanks for reading 😊🌷

      1. You’re Welcome

  9. For me, this is a tricky question. I believe you do attract what you are because it’s what you find comfort in. So, when there’s a lack of self love, and you feel incapable of changing how you view yourself, you tend to find yourself accepting treatment that reaffirms the self deprecating beliefs you have of yourself. Now, when you practice self love, you’ll constantly be tested by the introduction of people who remind you of how you once viewed yourself – you recognise something in them, you didn’t like about yourself. And, this is where it becomes challenging, do you attempt to help them recognise that or do you simply remove yourself from that space? So, I believe you’ll always see ‘what you are’ but with self love, it becomes a thing where you’re in control of how you respond to those people. And, with time, it becomes more of a test than an attraction.

    1. This is all so true! When I started practicing self love I noticed toxic behavior within others that I no longer accepted for myself. I’m still trying to figure that out too! I don’t like the idea of cutting people off if they are toxic because I feel like everyone has the potential to change, however I think it’s important to protect your peace by putting in boundaries & distancing yourself. If you keep people with low vibrations around you naturally it will have a negative affect on you. Very true, sometimes we come across those people to test whether we are really about the change we talk about. Thanks for reading & sharing your thoughts 😊

  10. After reading this, I realize I’m attracted to your intellect *wink wink. Brilliant post Ash

    1. Aww haha thank you so much for taking your time to read it and hope you have a great day 💜🌷

      1. Thank you Ash

  11. Really enjoyed reading this 🙂
    I agree! we are what we attract!
    I think that the way in which we carry & treat both ourselves and others are guidelines on how we want to be treated.

    1. That’s very true!! Recently I asked myself, am I person that I want to attract? That question made me really THINK lol. A lot of the times we want what are aren’t ourselves. Thank you for reading it I appreciate it 💜☺️

  12. Growing up I’ve had a horrible habit of always thinking I couldn’t measure up and constantly comparing myself to an unattainable standard. Now I realize that I shouldn’t be waiting for an achievement to love myself, or for someone else to show me how to love myself.

  13. How would I expect to attract someone that’ll love me truly when I haven’t accepted all of me

    1. That’s true we can’t “expect” it however i think we are deserve to be treated with dignity and respect as a human being. Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts 💖

  14. Hi Ash, I enjoyed reading through this. I do think we attract what we are but I also believe we go through many phases in life, most being temporary. There’s the “rival” phase or the “crazy” phase, “boring” phase and the “optimistic” phase. Each phase is apart of our journey. Have you ever noticed some of your friends might look like you? Or each other? We attract those who give us similar qualities that we give to others. You’re right, if you treat others badly, more than likely you will attract bad company.
    Looking forward to more of your posts!

    1. Hey there! Thank you so much 😊
      That’s so interesting you said that because I’ve had a friend who people thought we were related haha. That’s very true, we are constantly changing & we aren’t static. But yes you’re more likely to attract bad company if you treat others badly. Thank you for stopping by 💞

      1. You’re so welcome! I’ve heard a brain isn’t even developed until about age 27. I’m not 27 yet so lucky me lol. Looking forward to future posts! ⭐️💛

  15. […] Do you attract what you are? Let’s talk! — […]

  16. Wow! That was so nice to read! Thank you for your open and reflected thoughts!

    1. Thank you so much! I appreciate you taking the time out to read this💞

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