Side Effects of Holding onto Resentment

Copy of Copy of The ugly truth about self love (3)

Do you currently feel resentful towards someone? Resentment typically arises when we feel an injustice has been committed towards us. A person who feels resentful may have felt personally attacked and subsequently allowed a grudge to fester. It’s common to hold resentment, however, when left unaddressed over a long period of time, it can become intoxicating and have a negative impact on a persons well being.

Resentment is a mental resistance to, a non-acceptance of, something which has already happened … an emotional rehashing, or re-fighting of some event in the past. You cannot win, because you are attempting to do the impossible–change the past.- Maxwell Maltz

One of the reasons why we hold onto resentment is in hopes that we never forget how they hurt us. We use the pain they inflicted on us as a memo to not get ourselves into a similar situation with that person or others again. Holding a grudge gives us comfort knowing that we never let them off the hook for what they did to us.

Additionally, we may have been accustomed to hold resentment as a tool for survival. Initially, it served the purpose of remembering potential dangers that can harm us. It helped us to create a blueprint in our minds of what to look out for and what not to expect.

It’s okay to mourn the lack of love you received from your parents or being overlooked by people you deeply admired. You don’t need to feel bad for holding a grudge. It’s difficult to forgive people for doing you wrong. When we trust someone and they do us wrong, it can have a huge impact on our ability to let our guard down with that person and others again.

What you Need to know about Resentment:

It hurts you more than it hurts the other person

You holding onto resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. You end up spending precious time angry over something the other person may have already let go of.

You forget that people are human and are capable of change

 This, of course, doesn’t apply for all cases where you were abused or hurt by others, but in some instances, we hold anger towards people who have the capacity and willingness to change. When we hold resentment towards others, we are holding people hostage to our expectations of how they should and shouldn’t act.

You may be evading the healing process by holding onto resentment for years

 When we focus on what someone else has done to us, we distract ourselves from doing self-introspection. You may need to have an honest conversation with yourself, asking the following questions: Am I still putting these people on a pedestal? Where can I take accountability and ownership for what happened? If it was not my fault (young/ low self-esteem/ vulnerable) then maybe you can ask yourself something like; How can I practice forgiving myself for blaming me for what others did? Be honest about the healing work that needs to be done within you.

Why you must Let Go of Resentment:

You cannot control the behaviour of others

As much as we may try, we can’t control other people’s behaviours. Holding resentment will not change that person. They won’t be shamed into making any changes unless they decide to do that for themselves.

People are simply reflecting their level of consciousness

The person/people that hurt you are reflecting what they think about themselves. People have a different value system and they are just reflecting what they think is right/wrong. People causing you harm says more about them, not about you.

You deserve happiness

You deserve freedom and that is your birthright. You deserve to experience love and the wholeness of life. You deserve to let go of your personal freedom and well being. Resentment is poison for the body and takes up space which can be used to love yourself.

A Question to You:

Do you hold resentment? 

How did you let go of your anger towards someone?

I would love to hear your thoughts

Love Ash, xx


28 responses to “Side Effects of Holding onto Resentment”

  1. Thank you for this post💖

    1. Thank you for reading it, it’s my pleasure. Hope you are keeping safe 💜

  2. In my experience the thoughts of anger can resurface at anytime and re-trigger feelings long after an experience. Since they act as a source of suffering I notice the thoughts and feelings and practice redirecting and re-calibrating. I never try to drop or let go of anything because it feels like trying to get rid of the concept elephant. It’s just there. Hope this makes some sense. Great post!

    1. Hey Bryan! Thanks for your sharing your thoughts. That’s very interesting- it’s great how you’ve found what works for you. Essentially it’s about finding the best method for you & if that looks like redirecting & recalibrating rather than dropping resentment complete then that’s amazing! Your perspective broadened mine so thank you for reading 💜

  3. Hey lovely ❤️ Just wanted to tell you I love your work. This post hit on so many great points! I have nominated you for the Liebster Award 😊Details on my page. Keep inspiring and motivating ❤️✨

    1. Hey Chiquita, Thank you so much, I appreciate your kind words & I’m glad it resonated with you. I’m so honoured. I will make sure to check that out. I hope you are keeping safe and keep putting out amazing content! 🥰💜

  4. Another great post filled with wisdom.

  5. Very relevant post and especially at this time when we all need to support each other. Resentment is unhealthy but old habits die hard. I suppose it’s something that we have to consciously act on.

    1. Thank you for reading this, I appreciate it <3

  6. Loved this post, thanks for writing it! 🧚🏻‍♀️

    1. Aw thank you so much! I appreciate it. I hope you are having a great weekend 🥰

  7. This is a great post, and reminds me to let go, and forgive and not be dragged down by resentment.

    1. Thank you! I’m glad you liked it. And yes it’s so important, but also important to take your time. It can take a while to let go so be kind to yourself in the process. I hope you are having a wonderful weekend 💕

  8. Hi Ash, I nominated you for an Awesome Blogger reward. Don’t feel obligated to participate, but I would love to see your response article if you do!

    1. Hey Tiffany! Thank you so much for nominating me- that’s such an honour. It means a lot. I will be checking it out. I hope you are staying safe during this period and keeping well 💗😊

      1. Hope you are well, too!

  9. “You forget that people are human and are capable of change” is so relevant for me. I’ve been on both ends of this. There have been people who refuse to see me as a new person and I’ve refused to trust that someone else can actually change. This has been one of my greatest lessons.

    1. Same! It’s very hard to trust again when someone has hurt you. People can change but the hardest part is making yourself vulnerable again. If we want to & if it makes sense, we should give people another chance to prove themselves. Some people genuinely change. I’m glad you know this and hope you are keeping safe during this period 💜

  10. You’re right, we never forget and that’s the problem and a huge one. Humans forgive but never forget no matter the level of spirituality. Forgiven? Yes!! But forgotten, NO!! All it takes is a trigger for all the wrongs to play afresh in the mind and a we sometimes we can’t control what plays in our mind. Someone said the best thing is to be careful the way we deal with humans because they don’t forget. That’s part of being human. To make them forget, you need to give the chronic dementia.
    However, it’s important to filter what shows in our action like speaking, facial expression and reactions. You did a great job with the topic.

    1. Thank you I appreciate this! You made really good points. I don’t advocate that people forget what happened. That’s just like knowing something can cause you harm but deciding to be oblivious to it next time. To be self love is being aware and validating your experience – which doesn’t include denying your feelings! Thank you for reading my post, I hope you have a great day ☺️💜

      1. You’re welcome.
        Thank you and do have a great day too.

  11. Great post. I have always felt that holding onto it, gives the other person power over you.

    1. I agree! I’m glad that’s how you feel too. Thank you for reading, I hope you have a great week 💜☺️

  12. Great post! I’m not one for holding grudges, but I do tend to punish myself for not being able to handle things a certain way and losing people as a result. Though not all people are healthy for one another, it still feels like a loss and that’s the part I struggle to accept. Over the years I learned to walk away from unhealthy relationships and I now do so easily, but sometimes I’ll catch myself hung up on it months later. It’s an ongoing piece of work 😉

    1. I’m so glad to hear that you’ve made progress in this area! It’s definitely not an easy process to let go of resentment. It can take many years. It’s so good that you’ve learned to walk away from unhealthy relationships. It can burn when we feel like an injustice has been committed against us. Time is really forgiving and I think it’s okay to have those negative feelings towards them after a while. It’s just about actively working towards healing those wounds when they crop up which is important. Thank you for reading and sharing your experiences 💜

  13. Thank you! I just subscribed to your blog. You say very similar things to my counselor. I struggle with anxiety and am constantly trying to better myself and learn to overcome things. I love your thought/posts. Thank you !!!

    1. Hey Melissa! Thank you for subscribing to my blog and appreciate your words. I’m so glad you resonate with this post. Lovely to hear that you’re doing councelling too and prioritizing yourself. I wish you all the best 🧡

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