How to overcome feeling not good enough

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Are you struggling with not feeling good enough? No matter how much you accomplish or try, you still feel this lingering feeling of not being enough. You might be in a perpetual cycle of doing things to fill a void to distract yourself from feelings of unworthiness. 

Typically the narrative we tell ourselves about not feeling good enough derives from our upbringing. If you are fed messages by your caregivers that you are enough and valuable, you are more likely to have that foundation of self-acceptance and worthiness. If you were raised in an environment where you were criticised and felt like you had to shrink parts of who you are, you’re more likely to struggle with low self-esteem. However, it isn’t always this binary. Some people come from loving backgrounds who still suffer from not feeling good enough because of other negative experiences such as social media, bullying or even academic pressures. We are not born with feeling not good enough, we are taught to think that way about ourselves as a result of negative experiences we go through in life. 

Overcoming feeling not good enough is a process that takes times. When we’ve become accustomed to that feeling for such a long time, our brain convinces us that it’s a part of our reality which is non-fixable. By letting that narrative of unworthiness win, we cheat ourselves out of opportunities that will make us feel loved, valued and that invites emotional healing.  However, just because you don’t feel good enough right now doesn’t mean that you can’t change the narrative. You can choose to take control of how you think about yourself. 

Three reminders for when you don’t feel good enough:

1.  You are enough- You were born enough and nothing can take that away from you. Sometimes circumstances arise which make us doubt who we are. When we are used to disappointment, it reinforces that narrative that we aren’t enough for good opportunities, love or abundance. We believe that if we acquire more things, or become more of something else we would become more worthy. In a society where our value is closely tied to our status, material possessions, it’s normal to feel like this. Just because you don’t feel good enough in the present moment doesn’t mean that you always will.

2.  Comparison is the thief of joy- Not everyone has it all figured out. No one is in your lane and no one is your competition. When you compare yourself, you’re unfairly putting two completely different lives and human beings in competition with the other. You do yourself a disservice when you compare yourself. They don’t know the challenges you’ve endured. Your progress does not have to look like anyone else’s. This is your life and you are in control.

3.  Give yourself love- You’re deserving of love and compassion even when you feel like you aren’t enough. Shower yourself with appreciation and love always but especially when you don’t feel good about yourself.  Nothing is inherently wrong with you just because you feel this way. Acknowledging that you are struggling is the first step to transformation. 

Five tips to help you overcome feeling not good enough:

1. Inner Child Work- Inner child work is an opportunity to resolve your childhood emotions and experiences. Go into a quite space and write down all the negative experiences you remember in your childhood. Then reflect on how they may have impacted you by asking yourself; has this experience shaped the way I think about myself now?  When you start to see a direct correlation between not feeling enough and your childhood experiences, you’ll start to see that the way you feel is a narrative that has been taught to you but can be changed. If this work is too much for you, I would suggest seeking help from a therapist who would be able to offer you professional support. 

2. Get intimate with your inner critique- In order to fully understand why you don’t feel good enough, you have to unravel your thoughts. Next time you find yourself not feeling good, interrupt your chain of thought and ask yourself the following; How you are feeling? Why do I feel like this and what triggered those feelings? Then start to think about alternative ways you can look at the problem.

3. Separate yourself from your negative thoughts- When negative thoughts about yourself arise, try to separate yourself from the thoughts you are experiencing. For example; if you feel not good enough say “my thoughts are telling that i’m not good enough”. You will begin to gain better perspective and start to realise that we can change the narrative we tell ourselves. 

4. Mantra- Write down anything that can trigger you into feeling like you’re not good enough. For example; being rejected from an opportunity. Find or create your own affirmations that you can refer to when those feelings arise. Find some comforting words that help you feel good and refer to them when you’re feeling low. 

5. Talk to someone- The hardest thing is going through it alone. Talk to a friend or family member and tell them how you’re feeling. If you need extra help, look for a support group near you or call your GP and ask for to get in contact with a therapist service. 

Questions to you:

Do you ever feel like you’re not good enough?

What advice would you offer a friend who feels like this?

I’d love to hear from you! 

Love, Ash xx


Copyright © AshAlves 2019, All Rights Reserved

54 responses to “How to overcome feeling not good enough”

  1. I think that meditating, eating healthy fresh vegetables, having some sports in moderation , going out to nature , sleeping and rising early are all ways for relieving stress and healing depression …
       Sure ,  I am talking about normal cases that do not require a psychiatrist…
    Plus good karma and unconditional spiritual love transform and transmute lower frequency emotions into higher ones of peace , unconditional love and blissful ecstacy…
       Ascension in levels of consciousness , presence  and awareness are important …

    1. Those are amazing tips! I’ve found that they have helped me too especially exercising, eating plant based foods and meditating. There’s ways we can heal ourselves without medical & external intervention. Yes I love that you mentioned Spirituality. I know know that helped me a lot in my journey. Amazing! Thank you for such great advice 💞

  2. We would do our best to see the silver lining in all that is …

    1. Yes that’s so important! Thank you for stopping by ☺️

  3. We live in a society that has a negative impact on people not feeling that they are not enough. People are not free to be who they are. Spouses picking apart their partners for what they see as flaws. Parents degrade their children with verbal abuse. Workplaces making people feel like their best isn’t good enough. I lived with this feelings for years until I stop and got clarity as to why others thought I was good enough.
    What I discovered is that I needed to surround myself with new people that saw me for me and that support my growth

    1. You mentioned such an important point! The types of people that we surround ourselves around has a significant impact on the way we think about ourselves. It is inevitable that we are going to be in situations where our integrity & who we are is questioned however when we are surrounded by people who affirm & value us within our relationships, we are more likely to believe in how inherently valuable we are. Thank you for reading and commenting ☺️🌷

      1. Hi. I have nominated you for the Liebster award

      2. Aww thank you so much!! That’s really sweet of you. I love your blog & the messages you put out. I appreciate it and hope you’re having a great weekend 💜☺️

      3. Yes. Weekend was great. I love summer time. I appreciate reading your blog as well.🌞

  4. This is a beautiful article and blog I am experiencing this right now and I feel like it’s because of the abusive environment I grew up in @Dragthepen I completely agree with you. Change the people your around, surroundings, and thought processes 💙

    1. Thank you Danyah! I’m sorry to hear that you’re currently going through this. I know it’s difficult to see it now but you don’t have to feel like this forever. I hope you realize how inherently valuable you are! I can relate to that. My issues with not feeling enough comes from my childhood and it was only until I started to connect the dots between the way I perceive myself now and my upbringing that I began to start feeling good enough. I would suggest doing that. And yes she’s so right, all those things are necessary in order to change the way we think about ourselves. Thank you for sharing your thoughts 💞🌷

      1. Thank you also. So you mean you started separating your childhood from your reality now because Honestly I still feel like im in my childhood sometimes Its really hard for me to focus or push through you know ?

      2. Yes exactly Danyah! When I started to look into my childhood I realised that the way I respond and feel about myself can be linked to my upbringing. Basically I started this practice where I write down all the events that happened in my childhood which caused me pain and all the times I didn’t feel like I was good enough. Then I looked into how I’ve carried on this narrative in my present life. I started to look into the patterns and believes I hold about myself. When I became more aware that I was taught to feel like I was not enough, It made me realize that I can unlearn this belief an create an empowering one. It helped to put things into perspective so whenever those feelings came back to me, I was able to debunk them in my head. Other things helped me like exercising, meditation and surrounding myself around good people. I understand completely how you feel about being hard to push through. It’s difficult work but it’s so rewarding once you commit to it. You deserve to give yourself that chance and free yourself from the pain that has been inflicted upon you. Wishing you all the best 💞

      3. I can see we had similar childhood may Christ keep you 💙

      4. Thank you that means a lot 💜💜

    2. If you grew in unsatisfying environment that can absorb you but that can never be you so just let what happened be just that and dedicate your energy in positivity and improve your confidence then you experience being good enough. Check out my blog I wrote about letting go and you be inspired…

      1. Yes very important to focus our energy into positive things & taking control over our lives. I think addressing the issues we have is paramount so we don’t continue to repeat the pain of the past. I will be checking out that blog post ☺️

      2. Thanks 💕 all the way.

      3. Thank you for your words of encouragement I will check it out (:

      4. Oh yeah…do so and you won’t regret. Thank you!

      5. Haha I look forward to reading it ☺️

      6. Sure! Hope you will like everything going on there 😓 ☺.

      7. Yw no problem

      8. Thanks…☺

      9. also what is the blog post called?

      10. STARTING LIFE ON NEW SLIT is the blog post…after reading you will have clear understanding. Have a nice day.

      11. Okay thank you, you also

  5. blindzanygirl Avatar

    Hi Ash. Some good points there. I don’t think I have ever felt not good enough. But to anyone who does, I would say that you are unique. There is no one quite like you. You were made with all sorts of gufts and talents and unique personality traits. Concentrate on those and develop them. Soon, you’ll be flying 😊

    1. Aw that’s such great advice! I can see that you embody someone who believes in themselves. Yes It’s so important that we focus our attention onto developing our inherent gifts because it prevents doubt from derailing us. Thank you for reading 💞🌷

      1. blindzanygirl Avatar

        You are most welcome Ash. I just think that so often people don’t give themselves credit for their own gifts 😊

      2. Exactly, very true! Hope you have a great week 💞

  6. Great post. About time we silence that voice that tells us we are inadequate and we begin to celebrate those aspects of our lives that makes us unique. Their is strength in having a sense of self worth.

    1. Yes you’re right! We do need to focus on the parts that make us unique. The more we pour our energy into affirming ourselves, the better our lives will be. Thanks for reading and stopping by ☺️

  7. Feeling not good enough is a feeling that comes now an then to everyone and it might not be something you should worry about because it might make you to have this edge of doing something with more dedication but if in everything you do you don’t feel good enough then now you must worry and do something about that.

    1. Hmm that’s very true! Yeah it’s not necessary something for people to worry about and for them do intense work around. I’ve always struggled with it so I’m coming from the perspective of someone who keeps having to address this problem of not feeling like enough. It’s important that we identify when it becomes unhealthy and a continuous theme in our lives. Thank you for reading 🌻

      1. Yes people must understand that is not a problem if it happens once in a while but if it’s constant and consecutive then is a problem…thanks and enjoy your day.

  8. Such a great piece as always Ash! 🧡

    1. Thank you Saabirah that means a lot ☺️💜

      1. Great tips. Thanks!

      2. Thank you very much ☺️💞

  9. Very good advice…l find how l feel sometimes depends on what l’m feeding my mind.Positive stuff like this is really helpful.

    1. That’s very true! If we surround ourselves our people who elevate us & listen/ read things of higher vibrations, it can really change the way we think about ourselves. Thank you very much ☺️💜

  10. Beautifully written!!!

    1. Thank you very much 💜

  11. Useful tips and remainders

    1. Thank you I appreciate you reading it 🌷🌷

  12. Genuinely really appreciated this piece! One part in particular is something that we often neglect to remind ourselves of in times of despair; comparison is the thief of joy. There will always be persons lesser and greater than ourselves!

    1. Thanks so much Elouise for your insight and reading this! And yeah comparison really takes the fun out of life and it does not serve us in any way. Thats so true and that’s why it’s important for us to appreciate what is available to us. 🌷

  13. So many people need this truthful n thoughtful words. You’ve given it so much inspirational and empowering content that I really can centre my life on. Thank you!

  14. I truly love your blog.. Pleasant colors & theme.
    Did you make this amazing site yourself? Please reply back as I’m looking to create my own personal
    site and would like to know where you got this from or exactly what the
    theme is named. Cheers!

  15. Well said. I think it is an important subject. Adults need to be taught that this feeling is real. Only if it is recognised can an issue be addressed.

    1. I totally agree! And we shouldn’t be ashamed of feeling this way. In fact having more conversations opens us up to healing and connection. <3

  16. […] 1.How to overcome feeling not good enough: In this post, Ash reminds me (in case I forget) that I am enough, that comparison is the thief of my joy and that I should constantly give myself love. She goes on to give five tips to overcome this horrible, horrible, horrible feeling of not being enough. Check out her post for the tips 🙂 […]

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