How to overcome feelings of Jealousy: Tips & Practical Steps

Copy of The ugly truth about self love (8)


Have you ever seen images or heard of someone’s success and instantly felt a wave of jealously overwhelm you? Has this made you feel inadequate and made you doubt your own accomplishments? Well you’re not alone. We all have our own demons and i’ve tussled with this one.

I’ve battled with jealous thoughts for years. I didn’t know how to reach out and talk about it to anyone because I found it quite embarrassing. No one want’s to be perceived as a “hater” so I suffered in silence. Over the years my jealous thoughts became self-destructive and severely affected my self-esteem. It evaded and destroyed all aspects of my life. I didn’t want to pursue my career goals because I felt like others were smarter,  more experienced and had better connections than me. Seeing other people pursue the career goals I was struggling to achieve made me insecure about my own capabilities. Being on social media sites, especially Instagram, made me more self-conscious about my body. I never really suffered from body insecurities growing up- I fell into societies perception of desirable ‘slim bodies’. Then slim-thick hourglass shapes became the new trend and now every image of this body made made me despise my own.

It affected my friendships. My jealousy inhibited me from being a supportive friend to others. If someone came to me with good news, i’d express how happy I was for them. However deep down inside my intentions did not match my words- I felt jealous and their success reminded me of the things I wanted in my life.  I think this was the most painful part of experiencing jealously. I couldn’t truly celebrate my friends as I was so blinded by my own insecurities.

I had a realisation one night after torturing myself with negative self-talk that if I continue to feel low about myself because of what others are doing, I would eventually destroy myself. Apart of me knew I couldn’t let it get that far. I wanted to unconditionally love myself and genuinely be happy for other people’s achievements.

I began my journey of understanding my jealously and getting to the root causes of it. I realised that the things that I envied in others had a direct correlation to my own personal insecurities. To defeat jealously I had to get to the root causes of the things that inhibited me from accepting and loving myself. This year I must say i’ve made significant strides with addressing this issue and it was only possible by doing a few things to help along the way.

If you’re currently battling with jealously here’s 4 practical techniques that might help you:

1.Writing- When you start to feel jealous, write down your feelings. You need to write unfiltered and get it all off your chest. Don’t judge yourself whilst you write. Once you’ve written your thoughts down, go through what you’ve written and begin to fact check everything. Ask yourself, how much of this is true? Am I being too harsh on myself or the other person? Begin to deconstruct what you’ve written and you’ll begin to unravel the reasons you feel jealous and might begin to realise that you have nothing to feel jealous about. I’ve written an example of how to do this below in ‘debunking your jealous thoughts’.

2. Affirmations- Affirmations are a great way to reprogram your mind to focus on positive and affirming thoughts about yourself. Part of the reason why we feel jealous is due to our own insecurities, so by reciting words that make us feel good about ourselves we begin to undermine our negative self-talk. I’ve listed a few affirmations below for you to use but I recommend finding ones that uplight and empower you.

3. Mindfulness- Go into a quite space and take 10-15minutes doing mindful meditation or breathing exercises. I find that when i’m overwhelmed by jealous thoughts, meditating allows me to think rationally and find peace with the present moment. There’s apps you can use such as Headspace if you aren’t used to meditating and need some guidance.

4. Stay in action- If you are envious that someone has achieved something that you want, work towards attaining that goal. For example, if you have a fitness goal or want to pursue a creative venture, work on getting better at your craft on a daily basis. If you focus your energy on being your own best version then you start to feel more satisfied with your own life.

Debunking your jealous thoughts:

1. You’re making the assumption that someone’s life is better than yours because of the ‘perfect’ images they display of themselves. You don’t know the struggle’s they’re going through or are currently experiencing. People aren’t going to post the ‘bad’ parts of their life. Begin accepting the fact that social media sites like Instagram are just filtered, distorted versions of reality. It only does disservice to yourself and that person when you compare your life to a filtered snippet of their life.

2. Their success does not undermine yours. You are jealous of someone making huge milestones (successful creative venture, popularity, career, physical glow up) and it’s making you feel like you’ve barely accomplished anything. Does that mean you’ve barely accomplished anything or that you’ve got plenty of things that you are yet to achieve? Don’t let other people’s timelines of ‘when’ you should reach a certain level of success deter you from achieving your goals. You might not be there yet but you certainly will be soon. The position you are in now is part of your journey and you should embrace it. All in good timing! Remember you belong in the realm of success just by virtue of being who you are. There’s room for all of us to win.

3. “They’re more desirable than me”- by who’s standard? You’re being harsh on yourself based on a standard that was not created to benefit you. You have to begin to create your own standard of what your best version looks like and live everyday being that person. No one can be better than you because you’re uniquely made.

Affirmations to use when feeling jealous:

1. Other people’s success does not diminish my own

2. I have all the capabilities within me to achieve greatness

3. I trust my own journey

4. I am uniquely made

5. I will focus my energy on abundance and being the best that I can be.

6. By virtue of being myself I am enough

7. I am beautiful, I am strong, I am powerful, I am talented

8. I congratulate other people’s success and use their journey as inspiration to develop my own.


Thank you for reading!

Have you ever experienced jealousy before? OR been the victim of a jealous person?

Let me know your thoughts 🙂

Love Ash x 


Copyright © AshAlves 2018, All Rights Reserved

26 responses to “How to overcome feelings of Jealousy: Tips & Practical Steps”

  1. This was a great read, thank you for sharing xx

  2. Another amazing post! Jealousy has been one of the traits I most dislike about myself but I’ve had to learn that it does not make me a bad person, and like you said someone else’s accomplishments don’t take anything away from my own. I’ve really struggled with this feeling lately thank you for exploring this topic and debunking some of the things people think they think of jealousy. Thank you Ash 💖

    1. That’s really good! Yes that’s so true, I think the shame of being a bad person causes us to hide and not fully address why we feel that way. It’s crazy how I’m out heads we rationalize such destructive thoughts about ourselves, that’s why I like writing my feelings down I find that helps a lot. Thank you for reading and for your kind words I really appreciate it ☺️💜

      1. Writing it down always makes it better, I’m able to really figure what’s going on and then I can deal with it

  3. Thank you for this Ash. It’s easy to try and overlook jealous thoughts but by ignoring them we’re only doing ourselves a disservice. Thank you for all the tips ❤️

    1. You’re so right! We only loose from ignoring them. No worries, thank you for reading I appreciate you taking the time out to read it 😊💜

  4. Please visit me And like

  5. I’ve seen this a few times over the past couple weeks, the idea that social media MAKES someone feel a certain way. I’m glad to see you’ve discovered the root cause, because kind of like walking into a room and feeling a certain kind of way because you see someone who looks better, etc., the issue (as you’ve noted) isn’t with the other person or the environment. The issue is always somewhere deep down inside of you.

    Sending you light and hopes for more and more self-love <3

    1. You’re right! It’s really important to talk about agency and choice in these situations. Pressures do exist however we have a choice over the way we respond to them and we have to take agency over the insecurities which we feel within ourselves. Thank you for your insight and I appreciate that I hope so too ✨❤

  6. This is such an honest post Ash. I particularly liked what you said about writing down tour unfiltered thoughts. I’m definitely and advocate for this.

  7. Beautiful piece

    1. Thank you so much and thanks for reading it ☺️☺️

      1. I’m just enjoying your words
        And haa…
        I lived ur dread 😍

      2. Haha thank you! They’re actually a style hair that I tried but they do look like dreads- I love dreads so much 😊x

      3. Same pinch Ash , I too love dreads but due to Job ,can’t go for it 😭

      4. ahh no that’s a shame, dreads are amazing and should be allowed it all work places

      5. Yeah I totally Agreed but …….
        It’s India here , so they won’t understand what dread is 😏

  8. Thought provoking post, Ash. Yes, I have sometimes felt jealous of other people’s success or achievement but I get through it by not ignoring the feeling and try to put things in perspective.” I am uniquely and fearfully made” I tell myself and go on to working on improving myself…plus remembering to celebrate the other person’s achievement with them.

    1. Yess I love that you use an affirmation and then make a decision to improve on yourself rather than use those feelings to harm others and yourself. You’re right ignoring it only makes it worse- it’s better to be honest with yourself without judgment and work through those difficult feelings. Thank you for reading and giving me insight too 💜

  9. Yessss to this post, I think instead of being jalous it’s better to let other people succes be an inspiration ! Awesome post! Love it! X

    Hugz and Kisses, Miss B.

    1. omg yess that’s facts! That’s such a good point. Instead of being envious just think, how can I improve myself and what can I learn from that person. Thank you for your insight, have a lovely weekend xxx

  10. this is a great post!i wish i had seen it earlier.i would have reblogged it.I hope to reblog it on another friday!.

    1. Thank you so much I’m advance anyways I do appreciate the support! I love how you put our great content and support others. Beautiful soul 💜

    1. Thank you for sharing!! I really appreciate it. Have a great week <3 🙂

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